I’m heading to Vegas this weekend to meet my friend Regina for a fun, pre-children…celebration? Or I guess that’s what we’re calling it. I’m by no means a Vegas pro (in any sense of the word): I’m not inclined to gamble, and I have a tough time staying up past 11. Which is why I had to giggle when Regina texted me to ferret out my clubbing garb from 2002. (We used to have our fair share of fun.) I took a tour of my closet tonight looking for contenders to pack and quickly came to the conclusion that I have nothing even remotely appropriate. I have about five feet of custom button-downs (what’s up Hamilton Shirts!), all sorts of demure, teacher-like skirts, and a sea of black denim, but there’s absolutely nothing that qualifies as “sexy.” In other words: No bouncer is going to bounce me out of the line and into a club.
Herewith, my texts exchange with Regina:
Elise: What am I supposed to pack?
Regina: Night time…think clubbing attire. Yeah, you read that right. I’m thinking a short dress and a black jumpsuit that’s s a little ’70s. We are going back to our clubbing days of 2002.
Elise: Wait, I have NOTHING suitable.
Elise: I can’t wear tights, right?
Elise: Black waxed skinny jeans?
Elise: Poor Rob. This is pathetic. I should teach kindergarten.
Elise: Wait, what am I supposed to do?
I know I should take solace in the fact that there are more Herve Leger’s in Las Vegas than bathrooms should I choose to buy something both tight and short, but still…how is it that I don’t own a single piece of body-conscious clothing? Pathetic, right? I just can’t bring myself to fully embrace the concept…
Maybe I’ll try to find one of the following on the strip. Dare I wear sequined knickers? I mean, it’s Vegas.
clockwise, l-r: SILVER SEQUIN KNICKERS, $60.00, Topshop; VICTORIA PEPLUM DRESS, $58.00, Nasty Gal; PINS & NEEDLES DRIFTER DRESS, $29.99, Urban Outfitters; MARTA SEQUINED DRESS, $338.00, BCBG Max Azria; NEON LIGHTS DRESS, $68.00, Nasty Gal; BB DAKOTA OKSANA STRAPLESS DRESS, $95.00, Shopbop; ZARA TROPICAL PRINT SKIRT, $39.90, Zara; HERVE LEGER OFF SHOULDER OMBRE DRESS, $1,690.00, Shopbop.