As a lady, one is expected to be many things—although apparently, President is not one of them. But given this year’s batch of candidates with female parts, I’m actually glad that’s the case. Besides not being the leader of the free world, we are also taught we shouldn’t secrete anything other than perfume and insecurity. The thing is, we are human. No matter what those juice cleanses are telling you: You are human. Humans are filled with awful things like blood, pee, and poop. (Made you cringe, right?) Anyway, no, this is not a post on “Valentine’s Day Ideas,” obviously. This deals with the darker side of shopping: Shopping to cover up shame.
When I was younger, I could never go #2 at my boyfriend’s house. I swear I’d make myself constipated for an entire weekend. And loud room sprays are a joke, because they defeat the purpose of what you’re been trying to hide: noise and smell. So when a friend of mine who’d just come back from Japan introduced me to this thing called “One Drop,” my whole shame game changed. See, it’s small enough to fit in your makeup bag. You can take it everywhere you go, meaning, the world is your toilet! All it takes is one drop after you do your business, and the room smells fresh as a daisy. I’m telling you, it works. I should probably run for President now. HAPPY NEW YEAR, SHAME!
ONE DROP DEODORIZER, $4.99, Drugstore.com
