I’m married to a guy who has pretty strong feelings about what I wear: It doesn’t bother me at all, really (except when he stands in the way of me and my favorite coat, which he’s affectionately nicknamed my “tribal bathrobe”), but I find that when I mention in public that I run things past him before I buy them, I’m often met with a lot of lifted eyebrows. Those eyebrows seem to be saying: How could you let someone—and a man at that!—censor your personal style.
Here’s the thing: Rob isn’t my Henry Higgins. He doesn’t tell me what to wear—he just tells me what not to wear, or to be more precise, he tells me when something I’m wearing is a bit disconcerting. And I find it truly helpful, if not all that surprising. Quite simply, Rob objects to things that are generally unflattering (tented tops, shift dresses, super-sloppy sweaters), or are Fashion with a capped F (funnel-neck coats, harem pants, wide-leg jeans, dresses that look like saggy shorts).
There are times when I absolutely buck against his opinion. For example, that “tribal bathrobe” is one of the only coats I reach for…and it’s one of the few things I own where I invariably get compliments from other women when it’s on my back. If I love something enough, it will be mine, even if he protests. (Once, when I asked him if he liked one particularly crazy outfit, he told me that he liked my confidence. Ha!) But, for the most part, I listen to him, because I like having a peaceful relationship, and I guess I should be unabashed in admitting that I like being attractive to my husband. He’s the one who has to look at me all the time! There’s something about that statement that makes me feel like I’m not a feminist or something. But I am!
And to be fair, I guide Rob’s own shopping choices (admission: I do most of his shopping for him), so it seems only fair that he takes a hand in mine. I once asked him to explain his aversion to high-waisted, wide-leg jeans and he said: “Don’t you think that you would find it strange, if every day when I got dressed I completely changed the shape of my body.” And I had to agree with him that in fact, I might find that strange.
Do you guys take anyone’s opinion into your account? Or is it all by the beat of your own drums? Am I a lesser person for adjusting my personal style, ever-so-slightly to suit my husband?
Here, some things that I’m into that are probably off the table…though you never know!
clockwise, l-r: CLOVER CANYON PRINTED CREPE DE CHINE JACKET, $215.00, Net a Porter; ZARA WOMAN EMBROIDERED DRESS, $89.00, Zara; ATHENA PROCOPIOU COSIKE KAFTAN, $345.00, Net a Porter; WYATT BLACK JERSEY MAXI DRESS, $98.00, Bluefly; OF TWO MINDS TALITHA BEADED TOP, $112.50, Shopbop; GRYPHON DIP DYE DRESS, $285.00, Bergdorf Goodman; LOVE MOSCHINO DRAPED SKIRT, $145.00, Bluefly; FREE PEOPLE MOROCCAN BANDANA DRESS, $198.00, Shopbop.
I don’t buy into any “rule” of feminism, so long as a woman’s voice or opinion isn’t diminished or silenced. It sounds like you make an informed decision based on what you like, what your husband likes, back to what you like, and go from there. Sounds good to me!
I see nothing wrong with turning to my guy for an honest opinion. The truth is, more often than not he thinks I look great and appreciates the fact that I care what I leave the house in. Like you said, he’s the one who has to look at me all the time!
When I clicked on your link to “see who won” – I expected a comment something like this:
“We both do”
I don’t see this as a man vs woman issue – I think it’s more about getting valuable feedback on your appearance from one of the few people who truly looks at you (and does so with love). Obviously you don’t want to be a slave to that person’s style/opinion, but you’d be crazy to completely disregard their point of view, wouldn’t you?
Great for you. I think it’s great that your husband takes an interest in what you wear. His opinion is and should be the most important. I think it’s so hot that he wants you to look good. It’s better than him checking out other women. I think you are super lucky. There are sometimes when you may love something and decide well I will compromise for him, but If it were me I would keep buying more things that he likes, and incoporate some of my own style into that. I love that he’s so involved. I hope to meet someone who cares about every aspect of who I am. GOOD FOR YOU!
Totally agree here. There are things that I would wear that are more “fashion with an F” when hanging with my clothes-conscious friends, but my boyfriend is always the first opinion I go to before I step out of the house. Honesty is totally appreciated. Plus, I want him to be proud of me as much as I am of him when we present ourselves to the masses…which is why he asks me what he should wear, too!
I always value my husband’s opinion, more than anyone else’s. If I don’t like the way I look, then I don’t even bother to ask him because I’ve already struck it off of my list. If I like, then I ask my hub if he likes. Depending on how strongly I feel about something, if he doesn’t like it, I’ll change it. He has a much better fashion sense than I do anyway. He can make khaki cargo shorts, a Nike t-shirt and flip-flops look great.
I totally agree with all of you.
As long as he is not shaping you into one of his ideal, and sound enough to know what suits your body type. Yes, why not? He likes to see you looking pretty. And yes, you feel good when the world tell you how great you look, but what matters most is still his opinion. Someone you like to look best, naturally.
Women usually dress for each other, not for their mate, and end up looking absurd in the latest “fashions.” Classic silhouettes are just that because they are clean, flattering, and attractive to men. When it comes down to it, most men would prefer if women were naked all the time so a husband should want his wife wrapped in the prettiest packaging that only he gets to remove.