I’m married to a guy who has pretty strong feelings about what I wear: It doesn’t bother me at all, really (except when he stands in the way of me and my favorite coat, which he’s affectionately nicknamed my “tribal bathrobe”), but I find that when I mention in public that I run things past him before I buy them, I’m often met with a lot of lifted eyebrows. Those eyebrows seem to be saying: How could you let someone—and a man at that!—censor your personal style.
Here’s the thing: Rob isn’t my Henry Higgins. He doesn’t tell me what to wear—he just tells me what not to wear, or to be more precise, he tells me when something I’m wearing is a bit disconcerting. And I find it truly helpful, if not all that surprising. Quite simply, Rob objects to things that are generally unflattering (tented tops, shift dresses, super-sloppy sweaters), or are Fashion with a capped F (funnel-neck coats, harem pants, wide-leg jeans, dresses that look like saggy shorts).
There are times when I absolutely buck against his opinion. For example, that “tribal bathrobe” is one of the only coats I reach for…and it’s one of the few things I own where I invariably get compliments from other women when it’s on my back. If I love something enough, it will be mine, even if he protests. (Once, when I asked him if he liked one particularly crazy outfit, he told me that he liked my confidence. Ha!) But, for the most part, I listen to him, because I like having a peaceful relationship, and I guess I should be unabashed in admitting that I like being attractive to my husband. He’s the one who has to look at me all the time! There’s something about that statement that makes me feel like I’m not a feminist or something. But I am!
And to be fair, I guide Rob’s own shopping choices (admission: I do most of his shopping for him), so it seems only fair that he takes a hand in mine. I once asked him to explain his aversion to high-waisted, wide-leg jeans and he said: “Don’t you think that you would find it strange, if every day when I got dressed I completely changed the shape of my body.” And I had to agree with him that in fact, I might find that strange.
Do you guys take anyone’s opinion into your account? Or is it all by the beat of your own drums? Am I a lesser person for adjusting my personal style, ever-so-slightly to suit my husband?
Here, some things that I’m into that are probably off the table…though you never know!
clockwise, l-r: CLOVER CANYON PRINTED CREPE DE CHINE JACKET, $215.00, Net a Porter; ZARA WOMAN EMBROIDERED DRESS, $89.00, Zara; ATHENA PROCOPIOU COSIKE KAFTAN, $345.00, Net a Porter; WYATT BLACK JERSEY MAXI DRESS, $98.00, Bluefly; OF TWO MINDS TALITHA BEADED TOP, $112.50, Shopbop; GRYPHON DIP DYE DRESS, $285.00, Bergdorf Goodman; LOVE MOSCHINO DRAPED SKIRT, $145.00, Bluefly; FREE PEOPLE MOROCCAN BANDANA DRESS, $198.00, Shopbop.